Christmass '08.

was not a good one this year. bboooring as hell. aint got shit. but whatevs. got annoyed. EH. texted babe all day. that was okay i guess. cant wait to go home. DAMN. alright, cousin lookin over my shoulder. BYE.

addicting.

books are addicting! ahhaha. well the ones that are interesting. in two months i finished about 4 series ? hahaa. my alltime favorite is TWILIGHT ! oh yes. the movie was frickin awsome. i LOOVE edward and emmet <3 sooo hott. hahaha. anyway. im soo bored. blahblah. i miss him ./= yeah. i guess ? YEAUPP. theres been drama lately. prettaay gay. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVY ! and Bria's birthday is almost here!! yaaay ! im so excited for her party. hahaha. then Joe's party next weekend ? YESSS ! (: anyway, im reading a good book kindof, freaks me out. hahaah. anyway. ima go read. byebye(:



your my brand of herion<3

nowords.

yesterday was pretty fun ? haha. i guess so. school was thee same. ran. /= hella tired. got a bad time. 4:32. ughh. Nick B. and Kenny hella pushed me at the end. AGHH ! boyfriend came when i was in p.e. hella gay. i looked ooogly. haha. then i saw him when i looked good. haha. i'm not concieted. (; HAPPY ONE MONTH BABE(; i love you! ran around the school for a while. js cus im bored. then me and meagan hadda walk home. js cus my mom left cus i walked too slow. hahahah. walked with Raven mostly tho. then met with Meagan later. she walked slow. -__- then went home. meagan stayed over. fun asss niight. kids were gone. parents left. although we fell asleep at like 12. haha. i was fckin tired. so goin out tonight. party in SanJose or something. not so excited. kbye(:

(:

Edgar Allen Poe.

his poems scare me at times.. hehe. i'm memorizing Annabell Lee. such a sweet poem. i memorized this much so far..

it was many and many years ago.
in a kingdom by the sea.
there lived a maiden whom you may know.
by the name of annabell lee.
and this maiden, she lived with no other thought.
but to be loved and be loved by me.

i was a child, and she was a child,
in this kingdom by the sea.
for we loved with a love that was more than love,
i and my annabell lee.
but we loved that winged seraphs of heaven,
conveted her and me.

thats all i kno so far. i swear i didnt look at the paper. hahaha.
g'night breh.

11.13.08

interesting day today. hung out with jesse at lunch. aha. lil boxing here and there. always be messin around with the couusin. ate ALLOOT. haha. like always ? YeaupYeaup. hm. sixth period was interesting. played competitive kickball. haha always fun. then AFTER. fucktho. dont touch me. how many times i gotta say it ? DONT TOUCH ME. but nah. always wanna start shizz. whatev. anyways. told jesse. shiiit he lucky i stopped jesse. nigga crazzzy. hmm. went home. met up with meagan. found out some shitty news. cried for a bit. fucktho. thats hella fuckedup. i aint tryna trip over it no more. "i aint even trippin shawty, i aint even mad" baby made me happy tho. hella juiced for tomorro! its our one monnnth. hehe. went by fast eh ? Yeaup(=
i lalalLOOOVE you baby(=

fck.

you KNO you always be sayin shit bout. i dont get my shit mixed up, so dont try to lie. i got my sources. wtf tho. i BEEN outta your life. we BEEN over. so why the hell every fuckin time my name be comin up you gotta say some rude shit. dont call me ugly. dont call me a hoe. dont call me a crazy asian pysco bitch. dont say ANYTHING unless i said some shit first. damn tho. i hella thought i was in love WITHYOU ? wth happened to you tho. whatever. that was what USED TO BE. people change. too bad you change for the bad. damn tho. you KNEW i cried. and you KNEW that hella hurt. yet you have nothin to say to me in person. when i was fuckin STANDING RIGHT THERE. but you gonna text me. wow. whatta pussy. i have nothin to say to you. if ya want me out of your life. FINE. im gone.

whattabeezydoe

soo many thangs are goin through my head. i feel like i gotta fix this. i aint leavin school with bad terms with anyone. expecially you. c'mon now. we aint even aquaintences no more. idgaf about we over. idgaf bout anythin but like how we dont even talk and you hate me. and i didnt even do shit. wtff. i couldve stopped it. i fuckin tried. but guess not eh.? everyone i love is driftin away. everythin is good one moment. the next is fuckin hell. wth tho. i cant stand this shit. rumors. bitches. you dont even get it. try lookin at my perspective. dont even give a fuck bout how i feel. i guess it doesnt matter huh. fuckin shit tho. gay as fuck. i fuckin hate this. one life is perfect. the other isnt. i got shit goin through my head everyday. wonderin wtf can i do to make it rright. but NOTHING can huh. i guess not. im happy, or i think i am. well i am. im js not happy that im hated by the ones i used to love. nobody likes that. not even you. but i dunno. life isnt perfect. i guess i js gotta live withit.

phonecall.

ugh one phone call could change everythin eh ? sucks to have HIM say you guys cant talk to me. even if your HIS blood family and in-laws WHATEVER. you guys are my sisters too. i hella love you guys and for him to say you guys cant talk to me no more is hellla gay. i cant believe i have a codename now. wtff. i dont want you guys sneakin around gettin in trouble and crap. this shit hella sucks. one minute life is PERFECT. nothin is wrong. but everythin is my fault RIGHT KUYA ? huh! i fck up everything ? yeah shure. if you wanna get rid of me ? FINE. js dont take my sisters away from me. cus no matter what you do, i love them. and im pretty damn shure they love me back. and you CANT keep us from talkin with eachother.

footballgame.

hellaa gaaay. man tho. you guys FCKKKKED up my brother. wtff tho. its football. dont be elbowin people and shit. we'll shooot you. and yaaah TRICK. wanna come up behind me and fuckin stare but aint gonna say shit?! TAKE A PICTURE. honey envy me. cus my face isnt all dry like YOURS. you aint no pretty 7th grader like he says. shit. ive seen better. and you. FUCKYOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT. forreal. i dont care if you never talk to me again, go ahead flip me off say fuck you. i dont care. send me hate messages. FUCYOU. get out of my life. this shit pisses me off. ha. once i walk up with a couple friends your trick ass wanna run. shit. pussssyy. haha jasmine made me laugh tho. she is right. i UPPPGRADED to a high school babyy. no downgradin no more. this game was too much. rezen scared the fuck outta me. i droped all my shit. and pushed him back. but he be scarin me too much. pushed me too much. but its coo. today was TOO MUCH. pissed me off.

your a coward.

honestly. i cant stand you at this point. you make me sick to my stomach. dont stop talkin to me js cus i couldnt get over you. now that i got a bf, you wanna talk to me again? thats what i absolutely HATE about you. one day you wanna be my friend. the next your gonna fuckin ignore me. get your fuckin mind straight. IM SICK OF YOU. fuck you and you bullshit. right now. i dont care about you anymore. your js ugh to me. i cant stand your attitude towards the situation. whatever, im happy now. so your gone. out of my mind. BYE.

October 14, 2008<3

today was thee best. i dont have words to explain it. i cant stop smilin. he makes me soo happy(: hehe. nuff said.

changes..

life is turing around. my bestie is single. doesnt mean shes ready to mingle. but shes happy. and im happy for her. today was a weird / cold day. haha. it was suuuuuper windy! lunch was crazy.. my two best guy friends almost fought. that was bad as fckk. and then other stuff. OH ! i was texting him. haha. that pretty much made my day. i think im moving on. slowly, but im getting there. &&im happy. FINALLLY. hehe. Yeaup. soo, this weekend, hmm. idunno what ima doo. maybe stay home again. chill w/ the neighbors. idunno. LIFE IS SOO BORING ! i miss my kim&ashley super much. i havent hung out with them in hella long. OH ! and Kuya Ojoj. hehe. hes a weirdo, but coo. OH ! and tommy. <33 i miss them muchoo. well. idunno what else to say. hehe. ima go practicee my pianoo now. byebyee<333

asdfghjjkl

hmm, meagan and andy got back together. true love i seee. when am i gonna find it ? eh. whatev. my tomagotchi is like growing. :D ! hahahha. life is borin now. no fun at all. well sometimes but still. i dont wanna stay home all day. i been workin on my singin lately. i havent been gettin any better. ehh. but my piano plaayin is getting beeettter(: meagan says ima be one of those asian girls on youtube. heeeheee. hahahahha. man i miss those days when we were all happy. one night me and you had those talks. well i asked questions. you answered. man tho. i miss you. aloot. once you asked that ONE question. that blew me. i thought i was over you. guess not. hmm. i dunno. been soo confused lately. ANYWAY. my partyy was pretty interesting. lots and lots of crazyness. i kindof developed feelings that night. teehee. hahah. but yeaup. ima go practice nooow. byebye(:

ive done some thinking.

its not the breakup that hurt. its the fact that you went out with my cus you felt sorry. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN..

my dream.

wanna kno something crazy ? for some reason. i been dreamin about you. last night. it was like we were in my room. some crazy chick was goin through my shit. lol. you always kno how i have weird dreams. haahaha. so anyway, we were layin in bed. like usual. js talking. and yeah.. then you up and left. with a kiss goodbye, im sorry. and left. js the way you left before. im happy i have those dreams. js because they're my only memories left.. but still it hurts. js to think about it. knowin nothin is left but an empty space of what USED to be.. hm, i try to get over it. cus theres no reason to hold on, when nothing is pullin you back. i fell for you. you caught me. then you dropped me again. now all i can do, is wait for time too heal all the wounds. i hate typin this crap all the time. lovey dovey and shit. but right now, its my ONLY problem. seems like centuries ago i had no problem. didnt need to write any shit on here. feelin pathetic right now. but i terribly miss you. you prolly dont read this shit anyway. you prolly dont care at all. so why am i takin the time to write this. iono. maybe cus i cant talk to nobody. AND NO IM NOT A LONER. haha. hm. i dunno what i be feelin these days. one minute im tired of mooping. im tired of crying. im OVER it. the next minute, i see you. and BAM. everything comes back. iono how to explain it. maybe ive fallen head over heels for you.. crazy, it is.. but i js cant stop.

October 2, 2008.

boring boring boring asss shittt. lunch was fuckin bad mann. she DIDNT deserve it. if ya loved her, dont treat her like crap. the isnt a peice of shit. shes somethin you fucking cherish damn it. anyway, after school me and meagan sortof yelled at ralph. hehe. i got my feelings out. kindof sorta. during 5th period i fasho got my emotions out. i had them in too long. its time i had cried about it. but im good now. YAAAY ! we won at the football game. brandon came to surprise me, but too bad i wasnt there. lol. so he flirted with some other girls. YES YOU DID BRANDON ! hahaha. yeah. so this is ending. byebye(:

September 30, 2009.

today seemed interesting. im super excited, i can finally learn how to play keyboard, i finally got my keyboard today! (= im so excited. anyway. i found out more bad news. wtf right ? bullcrap. im tryin real hard not to let it get to me. but yeah,so afterschool i met Jazlyn! Denisse's best friend. i was like OMG ! haha. then Andy wore some red skinny jeans. CRAZY LOOOKIN. and more drama. -___-.. but yeah. im gettin hungry now. byebye(=

im sick of it..

im sick of listenin to all this bullshit im hearing. listenin everyday to people tellin me what chu think bout me. well today ive decided. I HONESTLY DONT GIVE A FUCK. you can say im crazy. you can say im stupid. you can say i bitch too much or im fucking butthurt. well you wanna kno something ? YOUR OPINION DOESNT MATTER TO ME ANYMORE. im done listening. go tell your bullshit to some other people. im fucking done listenin. im fucking done waiting. im fucking done crying, moping, feeling sad, and im tired of lookin at your sick aass during class waiting for something to happen. im js fucking done. honestly at this point. from all this bull ive heard. i wish EVERYTHING would dissappear. all my feelings, all your feelings. EVERYTHING...

PROBLEMS

oh yes. i got boy problems.

random one.

im hella bored. so i wanna write something. js how i been feeelin the last couple months. lookin at all these couples all around me, feelin their love, seein them together. makes me wonder when im gonna have that again. i miss those night where im on the phone till 6 in the morning or the nights i spend in his arms lookin at the stars. joczielle if you read this, im not doing so good on my promise. its kindof hard to keep it, but ill keep trying. i promise. i like being single, but then again i dont like it. yaaah, yaah, i sound pathetic. i dont need a guy to make me happy. but js cant let go for some weird reason. idk why. when im thinkin i am over it, someone js reminds me. and all the feelings that i thought were gone come rushin back to me at once. ugh. i hate sounding like this, being all depressed and shit. no one ever helps now. barely anyone at least. life for me, is somewhat boring. it needs a change. but how ? i wanna move. i wanna leave. aaaaah, i cant wait for high school. new people. new things. im js lookin for new.

BLAAAAAH.

havent wrote here in helllaaa long. todays gaay. i seriously hate fairfield at this point. i kindof wanna move now. like blahhh. i hate this place. btw, i DONT like you. mhmm, yeah. this was random. k bye. (=

a new beginning.

when i got back to school, i thought it would be easy. easy to look at you and be like "we're js friends". and watch you flirt with other girls. but honestly, i cannot stand it. knowin im not THAT GIRL anymore. i was hoping for a new beginning, new friends, new BOY. but hmm. everything came true, yet im still holding on to the LAST boy. why ? maybe cus i was soo in love. maybe cus i fell for him soo hard. maybe js maybe, i thought he was the one. i wish i could let go. i honestly wish i could. i KNO you like me. but at this point, i wish you didnt. cus it doesnt help me get over you. cus right now, it feels like US can only be friends. but oh well. friends is fun i guess.


i mean we're all still young. no need to fall in love so fast. but ive learned so much from that relationship. things i CANNOT explain. but its good things. things like, trust. commitment. and love. (=

whatever happens. i DO care about you. i DO love you. but maybe, not love you in that way anymore. and if you need me. im here. ALWAYS.

bipolar moment.

do you even kno how hard i fell for you ? your the best thing that ever happened to me. & sometimes you make me wanna kill myselg cus i js dont kno what todo at all. you you caould make me smile and laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. or you make me cry so hard till my eyes burn. sometimes i js wanna say fuck it and run away. but at the same time i js wanna be in your arms. i dont kno sometimes.. but i still believe no matter what that your my first love. we have had more good times than badwe look at the bad times to test our love. and we passed(= baby. its almost a year. we've done so much. but yenno, you always say that you feel like we're drifting apart. are we really ? or you js wanna think that. idk anymore. & when you say "when i talk to you, its like im talking to a friend." when you that.. its like saying you see ME as a friend. wtf am i suppoedd to say to that.. you make me bipolar babe. haha. but i lovve you with all my heart. i wish somehow i could show you. i js dont kno how. i love you babe. you'll never know how i much i do.

im freaakin out.

okae i dont kno what to say right now. so party this saturday right ? "Rara" litto brothers. alright. i was just a little scared w/ that part. POOL PARTY ? holy shit, im just fcking scared all the way. what if she touches you ? what if she says something about you ? what if she makes a move ? baby, your askin me if im alright, if im okae with it, if your aloud to go. yeah yeah yeah, i say YEAH. but am i really ? i dont want you to miss out on parties of your old friends just because im uncomfertable with it. so i say yeah. but yenno, im hella freakin out right now. like no joke. on the phone, i was NOT okae. but you kno what, im trusting you. like im hella trusting you like never before. if she does anything, i doubt you'll tell me, but please tell me. so i kno you aint hiding things. but man, im freakin out right now. i just hope nothing bad happens. or at least the things i THINK that will happen wont. just behave. please, just behave. im trusting you.

<3

damn, can you believe we made it through the school year ? together. we fought through those rough times, and all the shit we've been through. i never knew i could do that until i met you. this year, has been the best year ive experienced in so long. & you were with me the whole waay. even though we had our depressing moments, we still made it baby! haha, you wiped away my tears, you put a smile on my face everyday, and we took care of me even when i didnt need it. i love you and thank you so much. this summer, i dont kno how im gonna survive not seeing you. its just so hard. i long to talk to you at least for five minutes. but when you hang up, i get so sad cus those 5 minutes, felt like 5 seconds. everyday i wanna kiss your soft lips. just to be in your arms when you give me those wonderful hugs. every night i wish i could just sneak out with you and look up at the sky with you. right now, as you can prlly tell, i want to be with you. and never let go. i miss you so much. you dont even kno how much.



i love you baby.

imma miss it all.

i wanna join band again for next year. imma miss those band reviews where me and Brittney have surprise sex. hahaha. or immma miss those rape moments in the shower.. "ooops, i dropped the soap." lol. hilarious.. or when we get into trouble almost getting disqualified or dancing on the tables and getting complaints from the jamba juice people. OR hiding in the bus. OR stalking people. OR juss running around be plain stupid cus we have nothing else to do. ill miss when stupid ass Sullivan kids said they was gonna get people on us cus we said they sucked. THATS WHY WE FUCKING BEAT YOU. ha. yeah. imma miss it all. or maybe ill miss Mr. Hunt rubbing his stomach and yellin at us. ha. thats the most hilarious thing ever. next to when Nathon talks to Ms. Pinkerton.. gawsh shes hilarious..


man, if i dont really like my classes next year, imma join band again.. ill miss it. expecailly i wanna be able to go to Great America again.

its hard to realize..

now, whenever i see you, i start to tear up, but i try to hold it back. whenever i hear your voice, i choke on my words and i dont kno what to say anymore. i dont want to cry anymore. somehow, i wanna forget you but at the same time i juss wanna be with you. the hugs you give me, it feels so right, but yet so wrong cus we are not together. i kno there wont be anymore of those warm kisses you give me each and every day.. its hard to even talk to you right now cus its so different. its hard to explain how i feel about you.. but i want you back. i really doo. but i kno its not that easy. i dont ever kno if we will get back together. but i hope we will. i realize the mistakes i did. and im truly sorry. i dont ever wanna treat you that way ever again. thats why i want you to find another girl. more better than me. i dont deserve you. it hurts me to say that, but its so true. and dont deny it. because if i was the right girl, we would still be together. but no, we arent.


i dont kno if im repeating myself, but what im trying to say is, i cry when i see you, i cry when i hear your voice. i dont want to cry anymore. but i wanna be with you. and, im truly sorry for the wrong things i did to you. and you deserve better. you really do.

May 9, 2008.

today was ABSOLUTLY horrible. i never knew i could feel so much pain all in one day. im sorry you cant trust me. but do you really expect me to keep so many secrets from my BEST friend? you tell Andy everything dont you. i dont get mad. im sorry. i didnt kno i could cry for so long. all day. imma miss those times we spent together. all those walks home. our babies. our mall times. the movies. at carls jr. times we sneaked making out and sometimes we got caught. our phone calls. late night convos about stupid shit. our fights. your kisses. your hugs. we had so much planned out. our future together. our promises are now broken. our summer. our plans. we had so much. almost 9months. all that now dissappeared. i kno you couldnt handle it anymore. but at least we coulda tried. i loved you so much. i dont even kno if this is a fer shure thing. i didnt want it to end. ill never forget any of it tho. i dont regret going out with you. your my first love. ill remember it always. expecially our flower in the creek. ill never forget that. that was such a special moment. our first valentines day. our first christmas together. our first everything. ill never forget you. ill love you for all and eternity. even tho i think that we coulda lasted stronger.. i guess i have to support your choice. in order to love someone, you have to respect their decision.. so i guess i have to let you go. but i cant..



i can barely look at you, or your family, or any of your best friends. they all remind me of you. its that bad. i packed all your stuff, and put it in a box. i cant look at it. none of our pictures. none of your shirts, or necklace, or anything.. i kept our babies out tho.. they dont deserve to be in a box. they didnt do anything wrong.. i love you. Ralph.. its sad i cant call you babe or baby anymore..

i love you.

im sorry.

Baby,


there are no words to explain how much i love you. but you kno i do right..? those guys..? juss are friends. they dont mean anything to me. YOUR more special than them. and David..? im real sorry bout that. i didnt realize it till ya told me. imma try my best to stop. i dont wanna loose your trust ever again. i promise imma gain it back. SOMEWAY. SOMEHOW. i promise babe.


i love you. im not ready to lose you. i dont ever want to. imma try my best to not fck up anything anymore.

i swear on my life.

R A N D O M; April 4, o8

soo today was pretty okae. thaank goodness its fridaaay. hella tired. its like 10:02 last time i checked. Britney is playin with the wii. today; is my first experience of wesdgie after wedgie. and "salvadorian" FOOOD ! yummmy(: haha. so Efrian got a humungous wedgie. it ripped his pants yes yes. and guys are seriously gaay. haha but its okae cus they my brotherrs and seeesters(: so 2nd period today we had our own disaster drill. cus we didnt do so good last time. gaay righh..? yeaaah. i kno. so anywaay it was hella funny. ha. we found out Gregory got expelled. yeaah. i guess thats not so importaaant. hahaha. so yeah. anywaaay. i barely got to talk to Ralph today =/ i miss him already<33 anywaaay. im currently readin this book called Allies of the Night. i have like 3 other books to read tho. yeah.. okae. well not its 10:11.

gooodnight<3